Journey from Loss to Abundance

by | Apr 11, 2025 | Business, Individual

Journey from Loss to Abundance

A Story of Grief, Growth and the real meaning of the 8

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I look back at 2021 as the most difficult year of my life.

I lost my son at the beginning of that year – and nothing could’ve prepared me for that kind of pain.

Later that same year, I stood on an island, watching the volcano in La Palma erupt.

The ground itself cracked open.

And I realized just how small I am in the face of life.

Of death.
Of nature.
Of truth.

Building with Fire in My Chest

From that pain, from that depth, I created something unexpected:

A year of material success.

In 2022, I made over 140,000 Swiss Francs.

I became a father for the third time.

I was traveling, moving between countries, building again.

People saw success.

But what they didn’t see was how much of it was driven by a fire inside me that hadn’t yet softened into peace.

Beauty on the Outside, Emptiness Within

In 2023, I took that material success and followed it outward.
I traveled with my family to Asia.

I saw some of the most beautiful places on Earth.

But I felt empty inside.

The external was stunning.
But inside – I was disconnected.

That’s when I realized:
Financial overflow is not abundance.

Looking successful from the outside doesn’t fill the emptiness within.

      The Breakdown That Was a Breakthrough

      On the second of Decembre 2024, in the middle of my divorce, I had €1.72 in my bank account.

      I didn’t know where I’d sleep.
      I didn’t know how I’d pick up my kids from school.
      I had no financial cushion.
      No home.
      No backup plan.

      From the outside, I was broke.
      I was homeless.

      But inside…

      Something cracked open again – this time in the best way.

      I felt alive.
      I felt raw, real and completely connected to myself.

      Yes, I felt ashamed at moments.
      Frustrated.
      Humiliated even.

      But beneath that was a strange kind of wonder.

      A richness I had never known before.

      A trust in life that I couldn’t fake, only feel.

      Redefining Abundance

      Looking back, being broke and homeless was the best thing that ever happened to me.

      It stripped away everything that wasn’t true.

      It helped me remember who I really am.

      What matters.

      And what abundance actually means.

      It’s not money.

      It’s not the view.

      It’s Connection.

      To my truth.
      To my rhythm.

      To the people who saw me – even when I was in pieces.

      The Numerology of 8 – Power, Manifestation & Meaning

      In Numerology, the Number 8 is a powerful energy.

      It’s the number of abundance, manifestation, power, achievement.

      But the 8 is not just external success – it’s internal mastery.

      It invites you to ask:

      What do power, love and abundance truly mean to me?

      It’s not just about what you can accumulate – it’s about what you can carry within.

      And how you can rise, again and again, with meaning.

      I invite you to look at the number 8:
      A loop.
      An infinite cycle.

      Falling, rising, falling, rising – not to repeat, but to refine.

      Today, I’m still walking this path.
      But I walk it differently.

      With more softness.
      More trust.
      More truth.

      And if you’re in a moment right now – a season where it feels like everything is crumbling or uncertain –
      I just want you to know:

      You are not broken.
      You are becoming.

      And abundance might not be far away –
      It might just be deeper than you thought.

      Ready to reconnect with yourself - with clarity, not chaos?

      Let’s start with a conversation.

      Outwaiting the Pattern – What Boredom and Stillness Are Really Teaching You

      by | Apr 6, 2025 | Individual, Relationships

      Outwaiting the Pattern

      What Boredom and Stillness Are Really Teaching You

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      Last week I joined a conversation that left me sitting with one sentence for a few days:

      “We need to re-learn how to feel boredom.”

      Now, it’s not that this phrase was completely new to me. The Point is I keep on fading it out of my consciousness.

      It hit deep – because in that moment, again, I realized how often I reach for stimulation the moment I feel even slightly agitated.

      But maybe this week… is not about reacting.

      Maybe it’s about outwaiting.

      The Foundation We Resist

      We’re in a Month 4 – the energy of structure, grounding, and slow building.

      But this isn’t about hustle.
      It’s about showing up consistently, not dramatically.

      Not to “achieve,” but to create something real – from the ground up.

      And yet, when we’re asked to slow down… what often arises?

      Agitation.

      That restless energy that says: do more, scroll more, fix more, move faster.

      But maybe this week – with its soft 6-energy – we’re not being asked to push.

      We’re being asked to hold.

      To stay open, even when it stings a little.

      To keep our hearts present when everything in us wants to run, numb or solve.

      The Boredom We Fear

      “We have to re-learn how to feel boredom.”

      It landed because it was so real.
      Boredom is not nothingness.

      It’s the space before something new begins.

      But we’ve learned to escape it.
      With dopamine.
      With drama.
      With distractions.

        Agitation shows up in many ways:

        • Restlessness

        • Doom-scrolling

        • Picking fights

        • Overthinking

        • That quiet panic that says you should be doing more

        But what if the deeper wisdom this week isn’t about doing –
        but about being with?

        The Gift of True Initiation

        True Initiation doesn’t begin with a peak moment.
        It begins in the pause before it.
        It begins when you feel everything in you clench –
        and you don’t run.
        You don’t reach.

        You stay.

        You outwait the pattern.

        That’s when something shifts.

        Not out there, but in you.

        A deeper kind of strength.

        A quieter kind of power.

        A space where life doesn’t have to scream – because you’re finally listening – listening within.

        The Invitation: Wait With an Open Heart

        True initiation doesn’t always come with fireworks.
        Sometimes, it begins in stillness.
        In that uncomfortable space where nothing seems to move – outside or inside.

        When boredom creeps in.
        When agitation whispers.
        When every part of you wants to react, distract, or escape…

        That’s your doorway.
        That’s your invitation.

        Can you wait — without running?
        Can you feel — without fixing?
        Can you stay — even when it’s quiet?

        Because maybe, just maybe, it’s not time to act.
        Maybe it’s time to soften.
        To outwait the pattern.
        To hold space for the breakthrough beneath the boredom.

        This week, I invite you to live with an open heart.

        Even if it hurts.
        Even if it’s slow.
        Even if nothing “big” happens yet.

        Your willingness to stay might just be
        your real beginning.

        Ready to reconnect with yourself - with clarity, not chaos?

        Let’s start with a conversation.

        The Power of Number 4 in Numerology – From Struggling with Structure to Building My Foundation

        The Power of Number 4 in Numerology – From Struggling with Structure to Building My Foundation

        by | Apr 1, 2025 | Foundation, Individual

        From Struggling with Structure to Building My Foundation

        The Power of Number 4 in Numerology

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        For a long time, I struggled with structure, discipline, and routines. It felt like they were working against me, limiting my freedom and creativity. Until I discovered the hidden power behind the number 4 in Numerology — the energy of The Builder.

        What surprised me even more was realizing that my name, Civan, carries the Master Number 22, which ultimately reduces to a 4. From that moment on, everything changed.

        In this article, I will share my personal story of how the archetype of the number 4 shaped my path, and how it can support you too – especially during times when life calls you to lay foundations.

        The Meaning of Number 4 in Numerology

        The number 4 in Numerology represents:

        • Hard work

        • Structure

        • Discipline

        • Stability

        • Consistency

        • Foundation building

        It is often associated with archetypes like The Builder, The Architect, or The Hard Worker. The 4 is the number that asks us to slow down, create systems, and take responsibility — not for the sake of restriction, but to build something real and lasting.

        In April, the 4-energy is collectively active, inviting us all to focus on building foundations.

        My Struggle with the Number 4

        I naturally resonate with the energy of the number 5, which is my Destiny Number.

        The 5 is The Explorer:

        • Freedom

        • Adventure

        • Variety

        • Change

          Structure?
          Discipline?
          Repetition?
          At first, these felt like enemies. I rejected anything that felt rigid or confining. I wanted to move, flow, and stay flexible. This worked — until it didn’t.

          I began noticing cycles in my life where things collapsed or felt chaotic – not because I wasn’t capable, but because I lacked the structure to hold them.

          The Discovery of the 22 in My Name

          A few months ago, I did a deeper Numerology reading for myself.
          And there it was:
          My name, Civan, carries the Master Number 22 — the master builder.
          22 reduces to 4.

          It hit me deeply. It wasn’t just a random energy I had to “deal with.” It was part of me.
          It was my invitation. My life literally asked me to integrate the builder energy.

          Suddenly, it all made sense:

          • The resistance

          • The repeated lessons

          • The hidden call to build

          Not just externally — but internally.

          How I Live the Number 4 Today

          I started embodying the 4:

          • In the gym: consistency over excitement

          • In business: systems and foundations first, flow second

          • In relationships: showing up steadily instead of drifting away when things get challenging

          It’s not about limiting myself — it’s about making sure that my energy, creativity, and ideas actually hold.

          And you know what?
          It works.

          The magic happens when you don’t see structure as the opposite of freedom, but as its foundation.

          4 + 5 = 9
          Completion. Integration.

          Only by embracing the discipline of the 4 could I fully live out the explorer and creative in me (the 5). Whether it’s in my business, my body, or my relationships — nothing flourishes without roots.

          The Invitation

          If you’re reading this in April, you are currently in a collective 4-energy.
          This is the perfect time to:

          • Build

          • Strengthen

          • Create structures

          • Lay solid foundations

          No matter if you are working on your business, your relationship, or your own healing — the 4 supports you.
          It may not always feel exciting, but it is powerful beyond words.

          I share this story because I know how tempting it is to skip the hard work and go straight for freedom.
          But the truth is:
          Freedom without foundation collapses.

          If you’re like me, someone who dreams big, craves movement, and loves to explore — let the 4 show you how to make it sustainable. Let it teach you how to build.

          And if you feel called to, explore what numbers are active in your life – you may find, like I did, that the lesson was already written in your name. Curious to learn more?

          Connect with me through a personal numerology reading.

          Ready to reconnect with yourself - with clarity, not chaos?

          Let’s start with a conversation.

          Breaking Free from Dogma — The Courage to Explore

          by | Mar 30, 2025 | Individual

          Breaking Free from Dogma

          The Courage to Explore

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          We live in a time where ancient tools are returning to our collective awareness. Numerology, Astrology, Human Design, the I Ching and many more systems are finding their way back into the lives of people seeking deeper understanding.

          And yet, many still hesitate.

          Not because these tools are wrong, but because of something far more subtle:

          The fear of dogma.

          What is Dogma?

          Dogma is not just a religious term.
          It describes any belief system that positions itself as the one and only truth, often leaving no room for questioning, flexibility  or personal exploration.

          Dogma makes us afraid:

          • afraid of being wrong,

          • afraid of being judged,

          • afraid of losing connection if we don’t follow the rules.

          It is this very fear that keeps many from engaging with spiritual tools – not the tools themselves.

          Religion vs. Spirituality - The Core Difference

          This fear is rooted in history. For centuries, religion (in its institutionalized form) took away the individual’s power and placed it into systems, rules, and hierarchies. It often promised salvation in exchange for obedience.

            Spirituality, on the other hand, offers a different lens.

            It says: The answers are already inside of you.

            It reminds us that there is no universal map – only personal exploration, timing, and unfolding.

            My Personal Encounter with Dogma

            When I first met my teacher at the age of 19, I was both fascinated and cautious. Her words carried deep wisdom, and I knew immediately that they touched something essential inside of me. Over the next five years, I devoted myself to learning from her and the community surrounding her.

            And yet, over time, I noticed something unsettling.

            The problem wasn’t the teacher herself – it was the environment. The people and structures around her slowly turned her truth into dogma.

            Her words were no longer an invitation but a rulebook.

            Diverging perspectives became unwelcome.

            What was missing was the space for personal exploration.
            Even though I gained invaluable insights during those years, I reached a point where the framework became too tight.

            If you build walls around knowledge, you stop it from breathing and expanding.

            I had to step away – not to reject what I had learned but to protect my own freedom to explore.

            Spiritual Tools Are Languages, Not Laws

            Since then, I have understood that tools like Numerology, Astrology, or Human Design are not meant to control us.

            They are not systems of right or wrong.

            They are languages.

            Languages to describe patterns, cycles and energies.
            Languages to give us orientation, not obligation.
            Languages that invite us to reconnect with our rhythm, not to follow someone else’s.

            When you look at these tools without fear, without dogma, and without the need for absolute certainty – they can become powerful mirrors.

            Not to tell you who you should be, but to help you remember who you already are.

            An Invitation to Reflect

            I believe that many of us have, at some point, encountered dogma – not just in religious settings, but in schools, families, relationships or workplaces.

            Sometimes it’s hidden in the subtle message: This is the only way.
            Sometimes it’s louder, shaping entire systems and cultures.

            And often, it leaves us disconnected from our own curiosity and capacity to explore.

            So I’d love to leave you with a question:

            👉 Where have you experienced dogma in your life?

            Has it shown up in your upbringing, your education, or even in a space where you expected freedom?

            Feel free to share your story in the comments – I’d love to connect with you and hear your perspective.

            Ready to reconnect with yourself - with clarity, not chaos?

            Let’s start with a conversation.

            The Power of Deeper Self-Understanding

            by | Mar 24, 2025 | Business, Foundation, Individual

            The Power of Deeper Self-Understanding

            What if you were never broken?

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            Know Yourself. Accept Yourself. Become Yourself.

            Let’s be honest –  most of us spend our lives trying to “fix” something about ourselves.

            We chase clarity, confidence, purpose… hoping the next job, relationship or life hack will finally make us feel complete.

            But what if the real journey is not about becoming someone else – but about remembering who you’ve always been?

            The Bigger Picture

            In Numerology, every year carries a distinct energy. And just like nature has seasons, we as individuals – and as a collective – move through cycles. The 9-year cycle is like an emotional, energetic spiral staircase. And Year 9 is the top floor: the point where we look back, reflect, and decide what we’re not taking with us into the next chapter.

             

            You’re Not Missing. You’re Misunderstood.

            The truth is: You are already whole.

            You don’t need to be fixed. You need to be understood – especially by yourself.

            The deeper you understand yourself, the more you begin to:

            • Accept your unique wiring

            • Stop comparing your path to others

            • Release the need for external validation

            Because when you realize that you’re not “wrong” – you’re just different – something magical happens.
            You start living from the inside out, instead of the outside in.

            Personally I spent nearly 30 Years seeking external Validation. By Understanding that I am Valid – I am Whole, by changing this Perception of myself – the Focus of my Life changed from looking outward for something to fix me to looking inward and being in Peace with my whole self.

            Your Story Shapes 80% of Your Life

            Your beliefs, upbringing and Life Experiences shape the majority of how you see the world. They build your personality, your coping mechanisms, your patterns.

            But sometimes… there’s a piece missing.

            What About the Missing 20%?

            That “why do I keep repeating this?”
            That “why do I feel like I’m not meant to live like this?”

            This is where tools like Numerology, Human Design and Astrology come in – not to define you,

            but to reveal you.

            Tools That Shine a Light on Your Blueprint

            These systems are not trends. They’re Ancient Mirrors, designed to show you what’s always been there:

            🔢 Numerology reveals the Energetic Vibration of your Life Path, Destiny and Personal Year. It helps you to understand your inner rhythm, your soul’s mission and what chapter of life you’re currently in.

            🌙 Astrology helps you understand your Internal Archetypes and Timing Cycles. It brings awareness to your emotional needs, drives and how you process life.

            🔷 Human Design maps out your energy mechanics: how you’re meant to make decisions, where you’re sensitive to outside conditioning and how to interact with the world in alignment with your type.

            Each of these is like a key.

            And when you use them together, you stop asking,
            “What’s wrong with me?”
            And start saying,
            “Oh. That makes sense now.”

            Here comes the but:

            Just like a real mirror, you don’t stare into it all day. You glance at it, you realign and then you go live your life.

            Because 80% of your growth still comes from your lived experience – from trying, failing, loving, learning, breaking, healing.

            These tools simply help you see clearly when you’re ready to look.
            They’re reminders of your essence when the world has made you forget.

            They don’t do the work for you – you do.

            Tony Robbins Said It Best…

            “If you can see the pattern, and then understand the pattern – you can create your own pattern.”

            Let that sink in.

            still sinking in..

            still..

            Basically when you recognize your internal patterns – your reactions, your fears, your gifts – you start to move through life with awareness.

            You stop reacting. You start responding.
            And when you master your own pattern, you can intentionally create new ones.

            That’s where the real transformation begins.

            What It Changes in Real Life

            Internally:

            You gain clarity on how you really function.

            You stop shaming yourself for not being like others and you stop comparing yourself.

            You begin to feel safer in your own skin – and that changes everything

            In Business:

            You align your offers, content and timing with your natural energy.

            You start recognizing patterns in your audience – what they need, when they’re ready, and how to speak to them in ways that land.

            You become Magnetic – not because you’re trying hard, but because you’re in sync with your design.

            Now here’s the thing:

            Most people spend their whole lives chasing answers outside of themselves.

            But those who begin the journey inward realize:

            Clarity doesn’t come from more information.
            It comes from deeper self-connection.

            So here’s my invitation:

            Start observing your patterns.
            Learn to read your own energy.
            Get curious about your blueprint.

            Because when you deeply understand who you are, you don’t just live more aligned – you Lead, Love and Create from a place of Authenticity and Inner Peace.

            A Simple First Step

            Ask yourself today:

            What pattern keeps repeating in my life – and what is Life trying to teach me through these Patterns?

            And when you’re ready to dive deeper, I’m here to walk the path with you.

            Because the better you know yourself,
            the freer you become to create a life that is truly yours.

            Curious to learn more? Connect with me through a personal numerology reading.

            Feel free to leave a comment with your Reflections on this year and share your insights!

            Ready to reconnect with yourself - with clarity, not chaos?

            Let’s start with a conversation.